When people go underwater in movies, I like to... →
when i was 16, i had a fake i.d. and decided to go to a gay bar by myself...– Best fucking story ever. “i was saved by a group of guardian drag queens.” My life is complete. (via mizujosh) Best quote ever. (via itsjustpolly)
When gym teachers make you run a mile. →
the-absolute-funniest-posts: After 3 feet: Follow this blog, you’ll love it on your dashboard!
interviewer: welcome lady gaga to the sh-
lady gaga: I'M ITALIAN
interviewer: i really wanted to talk about your new alb-
lady gaga: I WAS BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL
interviewer: ms. gaga i'm really trying to get back on top-
lady gaga: I'M BISEXUAL LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY BORN THIS WAY LITTLE MONSTERS GAYS RULE ALL EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO TO HELL FAME MONSTER
My family when someone wakes up before anyone...
Me: Tips toes quietly through the house, trying not to make a sound.
Everyone else: Let me just stomp throughout the house, slam a bunch of doors, and bang some pots together in the kitchen, I'm sure no one will mind.
me: *walks out of room*
parents: OMG SHE'S OUT OF HER CAVE HELLO WELCOME COME COME SOCIALIZE YOU NEVER SOCIALIZE DON'T GO LOCK YOURSELF BACK IN YOUR ROOM STAY OUT OF THAT CAVE SPENDING THAT MUCH TIME ON YOUR COMPUTER ISN'T HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!
me: *gets food. goes back in room*
mom: come down for dinner
five minutes later
mom: I SAID COME DOWN FOR DINNER NOBODY EVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME IN THIS HOUSE YOU GUYS DONT APPRECIATE ANYTHING
me: ok *goes to the kitchen* wheres the food
mom: oh its not done yet